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Thursday, June 13th, 2002
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9:37 am
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I'm trying something new today. Typically, my response to acrimony and confusion is to shut down and run away.
In keeping with my new philosophy of not shunning people, I've reached out to my two worst "enemies" this morning.
I think if my goal is truly less drama, a simple truce, a friendly-but-distant stalemate would be the best alternative.
Acrimony draws me onto the net. But maybe if I can smooth this shit over, I can just get BORED and let it fade.
I suspect it will go horribly, horribly wrong.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 11th, 2002
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6:39 pm
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I had dinner with my friend Darryl tonight. Darryl is worth a book of his own, but he had s quote tonight that I found particularly amusing:
"I've always been puzzled by Militant Atheists. It's like they're angry at God for not existing."
I think that describes the pathology pretty well. Let's hope I never become one of those.
In other news, I wrote two reviews on Epinions today, and I had a chat with an Advisor. As far as I can tell, Epinions is not a signifigant revenue source.
Which is a damn shame because the site is so cool. It seems to be another one of these Internet projects that sounds so seductive on the surface, but in practice, exists to exploit volunteer content.
There are people who make decent money on this, people who make it their lives.
I could spend hours writing reviews of every movie and every book I've ever seen, and my wages would work out to pennies an hour, if that.
The Internet is full of false economy situations like this. People pouring thousands of hours into vanity projects. This journal, for one.
I don't regret it, in the long run. The social benefits have been great, and the invisible benefit of all this journaling has been an improvement in my writing style that will eventually pay off in a big way.
You learn writing by writing. In my case, it was writing journals. But anybody who thinks they can get rich and/or famous off the Internet is fooling themselves.
You can't even make a decent living off it. We've got heavy hitters like Halcyon and Jorn Barger hocking major appliances and living off family members.
If you wanna get paid, you gotta go with paleo media. It shouldn't be this way, but it is.
I think epinions would be most valuable as a dating service and a social circle. It's a great way to meet articulate people with compatible interests.
I may not make any money off my paltry reviews, but I've already seen half a dozen people that seem to be charming, interesting, and fun. And the instant feedback would be terribly addictive.
It would be a great place to meet women, if you could review the right stuff.
But I don't need another Internet time-suck in my life. Better things to do. If I find myself dying to review a commercial product, I'll put it there and hope to get lucky, but as it is, the system is much effort for very little return.
Just like everything else in this godforsaken medium.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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12:35 pm
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11:15 am - The Epinions Gamble
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I just wrote my first review on Epinions.
I reviewed Joe Queenan's Red Lobster, White Trash, and the Blue Lagoon
I'm skeptical of stuff like this, but Pjammer talked me into it.
Basically, the idea is, if you buy this book after coming from my review, I get a kickback. Members rate me good or bad and they can add me to their "Circle of Trust".
This may be a lot of work for pennies, but since I review shit all the time anyway, I might as well put it in a forum where I can make some money.
So, in a shameless attempt to use my Internet "popularity" if you are a user of this site, please add me to your Circle and if you like my review, by all means buy the book. It's one of my favorites.
PJ's wrote his first review today as well. Notice, I am reviewing $8 books and he is reviewing $33,000 cars. I'm curious who will make the most in the shortest time...
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, June 10th, 2002
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3:26 pm
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I just applied for a Columnist job at the University Daily. This would be absolutely perfect for me in this time and place. I hope they bite on my resume.
This is the most recent column I wrote for them.
It created a minor stir on campus but I was shocked at the reaction. Everybody liked it, both camps thought it was fair. This is the article that was passed around at the first meeting of the TTU Humanists, btw.
It's been on my web page for a while, but this is the first time I've linked it explicitly in LJ.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Saturday, June 8th, 2002
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3:56 pm
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"Throughout my career, as a professor and as a writer, people said, 'You idiot, how are you going to sell books? Nobody knows how to read. And how are you going to be a professor? There are no jobs.' I thought, 'Yes, perhaps, but if one person is going to do it, it's going to be me.' (Writing) takes a fanaticism, a dedication and single-mindedness."
--T. Coraghessan Boyle
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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3:51 pm
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| Wednesday, June 5th, 2002
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6:15 pm - LJ Banner
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6:10 pm - testing
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10:39 am
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Here's the kind of conversation I'm having this morning:
"I think I found a solution to my resident tuition problem. I'm going to be a commuter student and tell people you're my mother. Can you sound older?"
"I could be your sister."
"Okay good, how did our parents die? It needs to be gruesome."
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 4th, 2002
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10:24 pm
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I'm not allowed to use the poll creation feature, so I'll do this the old-fashioned way:
Should I watch "Ashley Judd Revealed" on E! tomorrow night?
a. Yes, it will be informative and inspirational.
b. No, you will degenerate into gibbering neurosis and whine for two weeks.
c. Yes, because Jules Asner is hot.
d. No, because your blood pressure could not stand the shock.
e. Turn the damn TV off and finish your book.
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(15 comments | comment on this)
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4:40 pm - Inspiration or Desperation?
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I just wrote an advisor in a top-ranked Creative Writing program and asked if there is any way in hell I could get financial aid and transfer from Texas Tech.
It would involve paying out of state tuition, which I cannot afford, or maybe I can get some kind of staff job.
I've wasted too much time here. No matter what I try, I cannot get excited about attending college at Texas Tech. I hate it. I even hate the good parts.
I need more from life than this college and this town can provide, but I've convinced myself there is no way out.
That's what I'm doing today, frantically searching for a way out.
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(15 comments | comment on this)
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12:03 pm - Barber Shop Stories
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| Monday, June 3rd, 2002
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5:22 pm
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Okay, so I took a few days off my workout regimen. A little food holiday when the dining hall reopened.
Sue me I was starving.
Now I'm back on salads, and the walking resumes tonight.
My feet were starting to hurt anyway. I needed the break.
Stop looking at me like that.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Saturday, June 1st, 2002
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8:07 am
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You wanna feel like a lazy, spoiled American punk?
Talk to somebody about the education system in India. Man.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, May 31st, 2002
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8:08 am - Peace Treaty Announcement
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Jasmine and I talked for like five hours last night to exchange apologies and kind words.
I love seeing our dual announcements side by side on my Friends list. It has the aura of history about it, like cessation of hostilities between Israel and Palestine.
Like Germany and France, united by their common hatred of George Bush.
We're way too similar in a lot of bad ways. Too much passion, too much empathy, prone to unwelcome meddling and misguided acts of goodwill.
Jasmine and I have this weird off-again/on-again almost friendship where we both really like each other and we don't really trust each other worth a damn.
It's like the most passionate almost friendship in human history.
Whatever our past, the world feels a lot better now that Jasmine and I are on the same side.
Together, we are all attack and no defense. Highly critical people who dish it out but can't take it worth a damn.
Even when we're trying to be nice to each other, it's like watching porcupines fuck:
"Ow!" "Okay, maybe we should..." "Ow!" "All right, what if we..." "Ow!" "Okay, why don't we move to the left a little and..." "Ow!" "Okay, what if we move to the window..." "Ow!" "Forget it. Just tell me where the Band-Aids are."
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, May 30th, 2002
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9:54 am - Remembering Jasmine
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Browsing through some old files on my machine today, remembering a girl who was, in her day, the Incarnation of Cute.
These are some very old files I leeched from Jasmine, dating back to 1999. A time when we were both different people, I think.
She used to post little sound files with her journals, and I kept 27 of them. Jasmine in the midst of brushing her teeth, saying hi to Paul Grassoff. Jasmine imitating her dog, “Bark bark! I’m evil! Bark bark!”
Cracks me up every time.
I found a collection of old bookmarks she sent me, when I was on her ICQ distribution net. Jasmine is famous for her bookmarks, tidbits of news and amazing net.culture trivia, edgy zines and cutting edge humor, infused with this effortless geekgurl CUTE.
I found some old journals she wrote. Journals she wrote when she was in love, although she was never in love with me. There is a magic to that, watching it, even when it’s not directed at you.
There is a magic to be found in people who love that completely, with that kind of glorious abandon, particularly for those of us who keep our hearts in boxes.
The romance in these journals died in due course, as most of these passionate whirlwind things do, but the energy remains in bits and bytes on my computer, long after the love that inspired them has passed.
It made me miss her, I guess. Made me remember why I liked her so much in the first place, the fascinating energy that made Jasmine attractive to such a broad range of interesting people.
No one is a pure sample, of course. I have serious issues with Jasmine, but I had no issues with the Jasmine of ’99. That’s the one I miss, and I guess that leads us to a truth about all kinds of friends.
Everyone has bits of magic in them. Those are the things we fall in love with when we make new friends. Then time wears on and we learn the rest of them, the banality and the pettiness and the weird shit we do when we have our feelings hurt.
You can’t just take half a person, can you? You take the magic with the banality and love the whole as best you can. Damn this Objectivist tendency to amputate friends like infected limbs. It’s bitten me more times than I care to admit.
I’m sorry, Jasmine. I freaked out because at the time, I felt you were bad for me. Perhaps you still are, but you deserved to be judged by the whole of what you are, not for the isolated events that pissed me off.
Nobody’s perfect, but sometimes, in bits and bytes on your computer, the magic endures.
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(11 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, May 28th, 2002
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2:51 pm - Inspiration Junkies Unite
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Having an utterly bizarre conversation with Andrew.
He remarks that we are both Inspiration Junkies, and naturally, he wants to make it a business.
Like phone sex for intellectuals, Whore of Mensa type-stuff.
Sexy girl in a late night advertisement: "Read me your manuscript, baby."
Andrew adds:
"I'm Gina, and I just love Westerns!"
"I'm Nina, and I'm ACHING for your speculative fiction!"
Everybody in the world is a wannabe author anyway. This is a little sleazey, but hey, it's more honest than the Woodside Literary Agency.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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11:37 am - To Whom It May Concern
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I look much thinner with a suntan.
Did two laps this morning. I haven't measured the exact distance, but it's between 2-3 miles per lap. So that's roughly five miles per day.
I'm getting my wind up and I can breathe now, which is nice. I still cough too much, but I think that's allergy related.
( Expect no narrative structure beyond this point )
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, May 27th, 2002
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3:14 pm
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Advice for people who are recovering from Internet Addiction and a tendency to form destructive premature relationships:
Staying off the internet and working on your novel. GOOD.
Using the LJ location feature to find journals from underage hotties who live in Lubbock. BAD
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(comment on this)
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jaffo's journal